By Mal James
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September 27, 2024
Have you ever found yourself wondering where all the joy went? You’re not alone. I’ve been there too, and over time I learned that the culprit often isn’t what's missing in our lives, but what’s present—the habits we cling to that quietly drain our energy and joy. You see, our daily routines hold a lot of power. Sometimes, we develop habits that feel normal, even necessary, but in reality, they’re standing between us and the joy we crave. The good news? Once we recognize these habits, we can change them. Today, we look at seven of these joy-stealing habits. If you’re ready to rediscover a more joyful, fulfilling life, it might be time to say goodbye to these. Let’s get started. 1. Constantly Seeking Perfection It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking everything needs to be “just right” before you can relax, celebrate, or feel satisfied. But here's the thing—perfection is an illusion, a moving target you can never quite reach. And striving for it doesn’t just steal your joy; it’s also linked to anxiety . When you’re always aiming for flawless results, you set yourself up for endless stress, self-doubt, and a constant sense of dissatisfaction. Instead, consider focusing on progress over perfection. Shifting your mindset to appreciate growth, effort, and the journey itself can ease anxiety and make life more fulfilling. 2. Skipping Self-Care When was the last time you truly took time for yourself? It’s easy to push self-care to the bottom of your to-do list, thinking you'll get to it “someday.” But here's the truth—neglecting self-care can have serious consequences. As note by the folks at Psych Central , when you skip self-care, you're more likely to feel hopeless, struggle with low energy, and have less motivation to engage in social activities—all of which can drain the joy right out of your life. On the flip side, those at Choosing Therapy , have noted that the benefits of self-care are numerous, including increased happiness, a lower likelihood of depression and anxiety, and even a boost in self-esteem. Taking time to care for your mental, emotional, and physical well-being isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Whether it’s spending 10 minutes meditating, going for a walk, journaling, or simply taking a break, small acts of self-care can make a huge difference. You’ll not only feel more balanced and energized but also more open to experiencing joy. 3. Comparing Yourself to Others This is a big one. It’s human nature to compare ourselves to those around us—whether it’s scrolling through social media, watching a colleague’s success, or even sizing up a friend’s lifestyle. But as Theodore Roosevelt wisely said , “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When you’re constantly measuring your life against someone else’s highlight reel, it’s almost impossible to feel content. You overlook your own progress, diminish your achievements, and set unrealistic standards based on someone else’s journey. The reality is that everyone’s path is different. What you don’t see are the struggles, challenges, and setbacks others face behind the scenes. And when you focus on your unique journey, you create space for more self-acceptance, gratitude, and ultimately, more joy. Focus on your progress, however small, and let go of the urge to measure your happiness against someone else’s. 4. Saying Yes to Everything Do you often find yourself agreeing to things you don’t really want to do? Saying “yes” to everything can seem like a good idea at first. You want to be helpful, avoid disappointing others, or seize every opportunity that comes your way. However , when you’re always saying “yes,” you end up with little time for yourself and the things that genuinely make you happy. Your energy is spread thin, and instead of feeling fulfilled, you feel drained, resentful, and out of control of your own life. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is say “no” to the things that don’t serve you, so you can say “yes” to the things that truly matter. 5. Dwelling on the Past Reliving past mistakes, regrets, or "what-ifs" is an easy habit to slip into, but it’s one that can rob you of present joy. While reflecting on the past can offer valuable lessons, staying stuck there doesn’t serve you. It can keep you from seeing the opportunities and beauty in your present, locking you into a cycle of negative thoughts that are hard to break. Instead, practice letting go—whether that means forgiving yourself or others, accepting what’s done, or simply allowing yourself to move on. The past is a chapter in your story, but it doesn't have to define the whole book. Embrace the lessons learned, then close that chapter and shift your focus to the present and future, where new joy is waiting to be found. 6. Not Getting Enough Sleep So many of us sacrifice sleep in favor of squeezing more into our day, thinking we can “catch up” later or that sleep isn’t as important as everything else on our to-do list. But the reality is that a lack of sleep can impact every area of your life—your mood, energy levels, mental clarity, and even your ability to experience joy. Experts note that sleep deprivation is closely linked to increased stress, anxiety, and even trouble with thinking and concentration. Making sleep a priority isn’t just about avoiding tiredness; it’s about creating the mental and physical space to experience more joy every day. Set a bedtime routine, limit screen time before bed, and make sure you're giving yourself the rest you need to truly thrive. 7. Neglecting Important Relationships Last but not least, one of the most powerful sources of joy and fulfillment in life is our relationships with others. According to the Harvard Study of Adult Development —a decades-long study tracking the lives and happiness of hundreds of individuals—the quality of our relationships is one of the biggest predictors of long-term happiness and health. In other words, neglecting the people who matter most can directly impact not only your joy but also your overall well-being. When you prioritize relationships—whether with family, friends, or a partner—you create deeper bonds, more meaningful support systems, and a greater sense of belonging. On the flip side, letting these connections slide can lead to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and decreased life satisfaction. Taking time to connect, even in small ways, can make a big difference. Reach out, make plans, and truly be present when you’re with your loved ones. Fostering these important relationships can bring more joy into your life than any achievement or material success ever could. The Bottom Line If your life feels like it's lacking joy, it might be time to take a closer look at the habits shaping your day-to-day experience. From chasing perfection to neglecting self-care, comparing yourself to others, and sacrificing sleep, small changes can make a big difference in how you feel. Letting go of these habits may not be easy, but the reward—a happier, more fulfilling life—is well worth it. Remember, joy is often a choice, and it starts with the habits you decide to keep or leave behind. Choose joy.